Seriously, where have all the cowboys gone?

As my blog is being called into "unoriginality*" and just plain not original, I must defend the classic. Few have been as original as I have, only Riane, Dan, Allison, Pat, Alie, Joy, Hannah, Dave and Bekah have been more so. Jenna isn't because she never blogs, Mark and Ethan don't count because they are young yet and Priscilla, well she called me unoriginal so even though she is more creative than I am, she doesn't count for the day. But other than those people I am definitely more creative than every other blog I read...

...

Well, who else could come up with catchy titles like "Bananas in the nude" or "Of Sausage and well, Sausage..." or use the title "Mawidge" twice on one blog spot without being caught. And who else but your's truly could have created such rave's on topics such as marriage, valentine's day or have 51 comments. This place is original. This place is creative, this place is an instant classic!!!

(applause)

Well, not that I'm done with that I have decided to start a "Deep Message's with Luke's Voicemail" somewhat like Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy but more *creative*.

I also like fruit, which brings me to my next point of why my grandpa's dog needs a good kick. She's ok until you try to leave and then she snaps at your legs, which is no good.

Zero fun.

You know what else is zero fun? Alternators. Actually I should clarify.

But back to fruit, the main fruits I don't like are prunes, and well prunes. Oh yeah, and there's this guy on my old floor in seager who's room had matching funriture, whatever that implies.

This is a blog of many paragraphs as well, since I need to be more creative, I decided to depart from my usual trend of one very long paragraph into two. But once again, I should clarify.

You know what is going to be great, no not the Tippy(tm) plush doll coming out, but Seinfeld is coming out on DVD. My brother says he wants them for Christmas but I said it first. Ha.

So I went golfing today, it was a good time. I beat both my brothers which was an accomplishment of the ages seeing as next year they will both appear in Guinness Book of World Records as the worst twin golfers in the greater Chicago land area. And yes, it's a category I checked.*

But that begs to ask the question to the answer, "Not on my watch." Which would of course be, "Would you ever play Jeopardy?"

Something wicked this way comes. I think that is the dumbest phrase for a children's movie ever. What are we doing to our kids? Grammar hello. What if all our kids started talking like that? I mean, uh, our hypothetical kids of course. But still, instead of, "Bobby is hungry," it would be, "Bobby hungry right now is." This is a tavesty to the greater Chicago land area and I am more than just a little remiss about the whole situation at hand. Which isn't about grammar, no that's just a surface issue.

The real issue is whether Alf really was an alien who landed a tv show or just a puppet.

Now it is the time of the post where I get to make a list with your typical numbering of letters such as a, b, and may contain but not be limited to c.

Today's list is, "Things that I want to accomplish in the near or not so near future that will not put me or the universe at risk or cause me or the universe to have a tipple by-pass surgery unless the risk or surgery get's me married, rich, or famous, or none of the above."

1a. To go to every restaurant in downtown naperville.
1b. To have a date for at least two of those restaurants.
1c. To have my date actually be at the same *table*.
1d. To have my date be a real person, with little to no issues.
1e. To realize that 1d is impossible because all girls have issues.
2a. To lead the rebellion against the forces of darkness.
2b. To win the war against the forces of darkness.
2c. To name my dog "forces of darkness"
2d. To make sure that my rebellion really means "to feed, preferably one with the name 'forces of darkness'.
3a. To say to a cop, "Hey man, xyz".
3b. To make him look.
4xyz.Go trick or treating when I'm 30.
4@#$. To get candy by saying I'm dressed up as a 30 year old pretending to be a 10 year old who says his costume is a 30 year old.
4nth. To say to the cop who shows up "Hey man, XYZ"
4(something) To be right.
5. To invent the Force
6. To use it against the forces of darkness, this time not my dog.
7. In between leading my rebellion and using the force get married to someone who likes Star Wars, or LOTR, or Matrix (but to a lesser degree), Count Chocula and/or Booberry and/or that other Halloween cereal, and will buy me any of the aforementioned cereals.
8a. Discover cold fusion -or-
b. Trick Matt Peterson into sitting on a whoopee cushion, which ever comes first.
9. Referee a professional wrestling match and say, "No blood on the carpet, let's go."
10. Meet Josh Harris only to blow him off.
11. Have an email read by Strongbad.
12. Go to Austrailia
13. Vote a local official into office.
14. Make fun of the losing local official because he lost and the majority of the people in town don't like him.
15. Change the constituion to have some reference to clowns.
16. Make a list of *real* life goals.
17a. Have a "17b."
17b. Celebrate for completing 17a.
18. Catch a baseball at a game.
19a. Drive to the mall in my sleep.
19b. While driving, have a dream that I am driving to the mall in my sleep.
20. End this list on a good note.

So there you have it folks, the last 20 minutes of my life wasting away into nothingness.

Will tv ever become obsolete? Chew on this for a minute and get back to me for tomorrow's premeeting. About tv, I think that the best tv show out there is a trick shot pool show. Has anyone ever seen this show, talk about an amazing yet fairly useless skill to have. Unless of course you are on that show, then I guess you could win and possibly make enough money to cover your airfare and food, but unfortunately not the rental car. But seriously, if I had another life to devote to something it would definitely be writing survey questions all my life, but learning how to play pool is probably 5th or 6th wasted life down the line.

Does anyone know why Evan is so cool? Well the answer could be blowin in the wind but i think it's because he almost never posts but when he does those crazy posts go on for ever. Well, of course I mean forever only in a purely mythological way and only then because he's Evan.

So with all this talk about salvation, I mean reliv it's a wonder I haven't jumped on the original bandwagon. But seriously folks me and reliv go way back. Actually she was my partner for 10 years on the force. I remember that one night when things got a little too steamy, then I realized that the water that I was boiling fogged up my glasses. Anyways, Reliv was a good partner, until that one night when we busted up a bank robery in progress and well, as good a cop she was, well, I never thought she made it. Then I see this feisty little powder running around New York on tv one day and at first I thought it was an allusion, well perhaps just a hyperbole, but well I tried to get in touch. Good thing the internet is the way it is and i found her. I decided not to call her though because she was on one of those internet dating services and that's just not my style. I do remember her descrition of herself, "I'm energetic, athletic, healthy, basically any thing you want me to be. I am looking for a male who thinks that the soil is no longer enriched with the correct nutrition due to soil leeching and one who can do great back rubs. Some of my hobbies are saving people's life, re-growing limbs, curing every ailment, and putting the Re back in live," whatever the heck that meant.

So that's when I decided I'd stick to fruit. Except prunes. It's always been a question to me why old people need fiber. Maybe they just need reliv?

I had an arguement with my brother the other day about which superhero is the best. He argued for spiderman and I said batman definitely because he doesn't have superpowers and since superpowers don't exist and everyother superhero has superpowers that means batman is the only superhero that exists. He didn't quite get the point though seeing as he asked where Gotham was and I was like, "This is sooo, not a geography debate."

Mark got a haircut.

Of course this blog would not be complete without something else. I should really get on that.

*And by checked I really mean thought it about it for a second and thought if there wasn't a category like that then there should be.

A lesson in politics

Here it is everybody, the best view of politics out there. Hope you enjoy.

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage hiscow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support
a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which
was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down
the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up
while they were in the hospital.

IRAQIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the
herd, so you choose one from Arkansas.

Tony Danza: You didn't ask yourself a question.

Well, since I cannot think of *anything* original (even those * are Evan's idea) and in true jr. high fashion and in true copying fashion of me and since I should be cleaning but am not I will spend time doing one of those survey things. I said that I wouldn't do one of those ever again but since Riane is my hero I decided things would be a little bit different from now on seeing as she did this same profile that I will do now:

A SURVEY.

Time now: Time for you to get a watch! hahahaha, lolololol, you suck (sorry I had to throw in some jr. highness into this.) j/k, brb, afk, lylab/lylas, [insert various emoticon's here]


1.Do you shave? Yes.


2.What do you shave? Whatever feels right.


3. Why? Because if I shaved something that felt wrong I'd be in a mess of trouble.


4.What colour is your razor? Weull muy razour is-u blauck.

5. What size is your bed? super-sized but I always go diet coke



8. Would you go naked in a bathtub with a naked old man/woman with each of you
having a bar of soap and soap each other till the bars of soap run out for a million
dollars? Only if it was Dove soap. That stuff has moisturizing lotion in it man.


9. If you woke up one morning and found out you were going to stay in the body you have now for the rest of your life, what would you think? I'd probably have to go with, "Yes".


11. If World War III broke out, what would you say? If Riane won't take it, I will.

12. Buttons or boxes? Does this really make sense to anyone?


18. Is the world screwed? No it's on an axis.


19. Is cussing a neccesity in life? "Why you ungrateful, lying, succubus."


20. What's an object you can't live without? my brain


21. Can you live without the microwave? a certain microwave in particular or the whole spectrum of microwaves?


23. Would you rather be rich with 15 spoiled brats or just barely making it with a dog?
Well, I don't see how brats are that much different than hotdogs, which if they were spoiled then I'd throw them away, or give them to my dog.


25. What's something someone's done to make you hold a grudge against them? Ate my plums that I was probably saving for breakfast, they would have been cool, sweet and delicous. But that was just to say.


26.Favorite weather- No, I definitely like whether better


27. What's one look trait that attracts you to a guy/girl? That "/" really turns me on.

29. Do you know what 143 means? Yes holmes, "Suck on(tm) it!"

30. Who's phone number are you hoping to get? Ed McMahon

31. Describe melancholy. It always makes me think of Robin Hood, although they were supposed to be merry, they didn't have RELIV


35. Which guy/girl do you wish to be with RIGHT now? Definitely Ed McMahon, that guy's rich and he doesn't even have *spoiled* brats, probably good ones that we can eat

36. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf? Is it right to take away the sun glasses of a blind man, I mean he'll never know they're gone?


41. What do you think of the word, "no pain, no gain" ? I think that it's four words. (that's a keeper).


42. What do you think of the quote "eyes are the passageways into the soul" ? Does that mean the butt is the exit ramp?


43.What do you think of sleep? There is no spoon.

44. If you had the chance to slow down your growth now and live to 500 years but it's like
a 50 year old body by then, would you go for it? So basically you're saying I could live to around 730 years old? Only If I woke up one morning and found out I was going to stay in the body I have now for the rest of my life.


45. At one point in a girl/guy friendship will one them them like each other even if it's only
for a little bit. True or false? This is like the incredibly morphing sentence, it goes from statement, to question and back to statement again, maybe it's as confused as the girl/guy.

46.Are you a procrastinator?


48.how's your cereal in your bowl? Cereal, only if I had cereal!

49. What's an annoying trait about you? I'm not fluent in Egaugnal


50. Football or rugby? stupid british


52. Ice skating or rollerblading? broomball


55. What colour is your jacket? I refuse to answer British questions

56. What's something you ALWAYS have on you? Hair, it's always there, even when (and where) you don't want it to be.


57. What do you think of guys with nailpolishes? I would want to know what its gots in its pocketsess.

58. Do you stay in bed thinking or do you fall alseep in 5 seconds? Probably the other way around.



...Yeah I guess I do procrastinate.

59. Would you rather go to a boarding school, private school, or an all girls or guys
school? Is guy/girl an option?

61. Who do you want to take with you to the prom? Dr. Pepper... or Ed McMahon.


64. How do you react to change? hmm, I eat tippy.

65. Are you happy? in the metaphysical sense, yes.


67. What's one facial feature you'd like to change about yourself? hmm, probably that part.

68. Do you take a shower after a bath? You take baths! You loser.

69. What's colour's your towel? I have a giant blow-dryer.


70. What do you think of knuckle cracking? Knuckles cracking.

72. Chalk or crayons? what are we in preschool?


74. Coffee, tea, or me? Definitely you.


75. Wouldn't you just love to hug someone right now? Yeah, wouldn't you love a sexual harassment suit right about now?

76. Who was the last person who complimented you? Probably Molly, but she only speaks dog so it would only sound like barking to you.


77. What's wrong with your school? North Central, Where your money is central, until we use it all, then we kick you out.

82. Isn't gondola a cool word? Did anybody know that Venice is sinking?

86. Who was better in rush hour/rush hour 2? Hmm, it's hard to say, seeing as they compare no one.


87. It someone said you were hot, what would you say? Oh man, I'm on fire again?


89. What happens when you hear the word christmas? My mouth starts to water, my stomach starts rumbling and I feel light headed, oh wait, that's not Christmas, that a snikers bar.

91. What food brings back good memories? I don't know, how about this, everybody give me something to eat and I'll tell you what I remember.

92. Do you talk to yourself? Pff, do you *not* talk to yourself?

94. What's your opinion on love? It's what the world needs now, next to buttons...or boxes.

97. Do you think you can afford to lose weight? Hmm, maybe if the rates were low enough.

100. Ever traveled abroad? No sweetcakes, but could you be a doll and get me some dinner? Yeah and while you're at it sugarplum how bout' you straighten up this here house?

101. Have you been trying to fix the grammatical errors in this survey? I took a survey once, I was a grammar nazi. not to be confused with a real nazi. I just hate grammer.

102. Are you failing? At what, school? never.

103. Are you doing this survey because you have nothing original to blog about? No, Riane is my bloggin hero.

104. Do you think it's really funny when Luke and Pat talk about emoticons? Yes.

105. At this point in time, are you making up these questions? Yes.

106. Are you going to stop? maybe

107. Why would a farmer live in a dell? So he could go hi ho the dereo obviously.

39. Is it better to burn out than to fade away? maybe you could just fizzle.

16. Youre going to die a natural death. What is the cause? Ted Kennedy.

34. Do nice guys really finish last? Yeah but we get all the chicks.

The glass... half empty or half full? is there vodka in it?

Song played at funeral: Imperial March.

45. What is your favourite action caption from the old batman tv show? MSG'd!!!

40. You put a quarter into a toy machine. What comes out? A fortune with the question, "You put a quarter into a toy machine. What comes out?"

54. What position do you sleep in? Never found that out, I'm sleeping.

85. Favourite pick up line? Heh. "Are you a packet of sugar cause you are sweet!"

87. What did you like to make believe as a child? That I was batman, and that batman actually had superpowers, and that I had chicks.

Did you have an imaginary friend? They said I can't tell you.

What is the first thing you wash in the shower? I take baths.

What was the best decade of the past century? The 70's, star wars was invented.

Do you drink? Only to get drunk, and even then only to make my problems go away.

What was the last movie you saw that made you cry? I am to manly of a man to cry, it's just not manly.

Is lying sometimes necessary? Only to you.

What is your favourite curse word? succubus.

What is your favourite lucky charm? They all taste the same people.

How did you find out that there was no Santa Claus? Psh, who told you that?

Are you on a diet? If you call eating what I want a diet then yes.

What is the worst feeling in the world? Making little Johnny cry after you tell him that his parents have just died in a horrible car accident, then finding out that little Johnny is an orphan.

What is the most annoying feeling in the world? Not remembering who Ed McMahon was.

187. Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have worms.

Pancakes or Waffles: ha, I'll just go with waffles and not touch this one.

Do you wear a hearing aid? uh, why not.

Do you feel like your name fits you? No, because i don't have the force.

The top 10

Yes, I decided to copy Pat and have the top 10 reasons why this year was amazing. So without further ado...

10. Having weird conversations with Pat at like 1 in the morning about who knows what.

9. Getting to know a lot of new music.

8. Having Ryan walk into my room soaking wet after he sleep walked out of his room (which was locked) and into the shower and had a nice shower in his clothes.

7. Rod's quote of the week, oh man random city there.

6. Definately eating at the runner's table, running in circles makes you nuts.

5. Meeting everybody from college group and hanging out all the time.

4. Hearing the screams of my victims as I ruthlessly killed them in Counter Strike.

3. Adam Manta...everybody in the world should know this guy, he's hilarious (Duck story).

2. Playing SSB with the guys on the floor and seeing people (including myself) actually get mad when they don't do good. Nippy freaked out by taking the game out, walking down the hall and yelling a, uh, very, uh not nice word.

1. Oh boy this one was hard to do...but I'll take the easy way out, getting to know everybody. I have met so many cool people this year from say, Adam and Collin, Nippy and Rod, Ryan, Wes, and a bunch of other guys from Seager and Geiger to the people from small group, Gen and Joanna, Rich and Caleb, hanging out with Matt and Allison tons (you guys rock my face off) to getting to know Joy and Priscilla (I have like 20 emails from you in my inbox). And finally getting to know the Lord better as a result of his faithfulness despite it being hard. God you're great and you deserve all the glory for this year. Thanks God and thanks to everyone who made this year super cool.

A year well spent...

Well folks, this will be the last blog I write from this here dorm room. It's a sad thing but not horrible. For those of you going to college soon I say this, move in your first year. Even if you don't have enough money, try to make it possible because it is so worth it. The upside about this is this means I only have two more days of school left. I have 1 final on tuesday and 1 on wednesday and then I'm done. Isn't that wonderful.

What's weird is that this year has been an amazing year and I know, at least for me, there will never be another one like it. First of all, I'm not living at school next year. This will make for one different year at home my sophmore year. I'll definately do better grade wise as I will not have the distractions of dorm life (video games), but this year was so much fun with the guys I got to know that it was great. The girls at North Central are not so good. Well I've met a few nice girls but most of them seem either really snobbish or skankish to me. So that was a downside but the people on my floor rule.

Also something different is the college small group. We all grew so close only to have our group dynamic change so dramtically. First of all Rich is going to Iraq for a year which sucks, and Caleb is moving to Idaho with his family. Who knows what Betsy is going to do but she may be going to some far off country to be a missionary, and Matt is going to Moody this year so he won't be around much. Oh yeah, who all of the seniors that read this from the Rock are sticking around? You guys should try out both the college small group and the Greenroom. They are both sweet.

But change is good people, don't start crying for me just yet. I have a real peace about this year which is good. I got to be a light here and hopefully share the love of Christ through my actions and words. God is definately in control and I know he has a plan for me. I'm looking at the verses I have hanging up above my computer, and one that I really love, it was the first one up there is 1 Peter 1:13,"Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." This is a cool verse because for me it really talks about priorities. I love verses where they tell me what to do and this verse talks about preparing for action, keeping sober in spirit (not just not drunk) and then fixing our hope only on Jesus. It's a cool verse what can I say. Well, I hope those of you going to your first year of college have as good of a year as I did.