Sadness is grace

I've missed my God. It seems so cliche that I would turn to Him in the midst of great hardship and struggle, but here I am. God has been gracious in the midst of my sojourn away from Him. Now I feel lost, trying to find my way back. Not lost in the sense that I can't find God, but lost trying to recover to the place where we were close. No, I can't escape God, no matter how hard I try. He traveled with me, every step no matter where I went. You see, God is not only gracious, but He is also faithful.

I've discovered sadness to be a gift of grace. Sad that I didn't know Him like I used to. Sad that I hurt Him. Sad that my mom has cancer. These griefs are a grace that surround me, encompass me. They are the sun in the morning. And they are also the tears I cry. All grace. Throughout everything my soul screams, "God is good, and powerful and love." It is the power that scares me, because He is so much greater than me. I am afraid and must fight anything greater than myself. So we fought, or rather I stormed out, full tantrum in swing. But now I feel no longer angry, but sad. Which is welcome because it means I still care. God is one. He moves and shifts and courses through but he doesn't change. I've missed God.