"I'm making loud noises, I'm making loud noises!"

If there was ever a time for a good blog now would be that time. Unfortunately all you get is me. Well, as usual I don't really have an agenda for this fine blog that I write at this time. Let's see, I guess I'll just wait it out.

And wait, and wait.

Ok, so I'm back after a sabbatical or maternity leave, or paid time off.  Actually the new job I got gives paid vacation for part-time employees.  Holy cow.
 
Speaking of cows meat is one of the best things that happened to this good earth.  I must say that for all those vegans out there, watch out for the "wave of babies" and cows...with guns.  Oh man, I wish I still had that song.  It was amazing.  I can almost play it on guitar.
 
But I guess its time to pick on vegetarians because heck, it's my blog I can make fun of whoever I want to as long as I know they don't read it.  So for all you vegeterribles out there spot reading now so I can make fun of you.  But you see, I don't really want to make fun so much as I want to ask the simple question why?  The only answer I'll accept is for health reasons such as, "In order to eat meat, my government says I must first go through the trials"  or "I'm as allergic to meat as a guy who can't eat meat due to bad biological and chemical reactions."  For all other reasons I think you are an idiot.  So I will go through each major excuse and say why it is wrong:
 
1. "It's healthier." - You're gonna need to be healthier in a few seconds if you don't start eating meat.  You see, you can be healthy and eat meat and everything will be ok.
 
2. "It's low carbs."  So is sand but you don't see me eating that.
 
3. "Animals are our friends, we shouldn't hurt them." - Oh man, cows just sit there and eat grass and die.  That's what they do, they are dumb.  This excuse is possibly the dumbest excuse out there.  If you think that we are eqaul to cows, let me tell you something, try eating some grass and then mooing.  Then we'll see who's equal.
 
But as long as we are on liberals, because obviously no self-respecting human would be an idiot, I mean a liberal.  I think liberals are stupid.  I'm in a complaining mood tonight for some reason.
 
I do have one thing however, that I will rave, yes rave about.  Napoleon Dynamite.  That was about the best geek movie ever.  Did I like that movie?  Heck yeah, what do you think?
 
Well, it's sad to say that the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died recently.  I don't know your name, but I salute thee.  I think it would have been an interesting funeral I mean, they probably started by putting his left foot in...
 
But enough with stupid bad jokes.  I have to say that I have been very pleased with this week.   I have done much.  Usually I think it is boring to list what one did in one's day on one's blog but this one, well, it's spectacular.
 
Monday:  Went to work, had lunch (Ramen Noodles of course), discovered the meaning of promulgate, found the cheese, and of course went to sleep.

Actually now that I look back on my week, it wasn't actually *spectacular* and well, this may be as big as a shock as finding that Kerry actually stands for something, but I hate cheese.  So why would I find it indeed?  And now I'm really not sure what the heck I'm talking about because I stopped actually thinking about what I wrote around cows.
 
A bird almost flew into my car the other day.  It freaked me out hard style.  I was like "Whoa, bird!" and it was like "Whoa car!"  Okay, not really but you can imagine the expressiong on it's face, er, beak, uh, head.  I will never understand how birds manage not to fly into cars.  I mean, I sure would.

Then in that same car ride I heard a song that I will choose to rip apart now.*  I will go line by line and say why this song is just not a good song.
 
Every Little Thing by Hawk Nelson (comments by Luke in the parentheses)
 
I saw her yesterday (wow that's deep)
and I've never I felt the feeling
like the one I felt today (yes I felt that once, it was indigestion)
and now
it's taking over me (what indigestion?)
I've never met anyone like you
cuz I never could find the words to write you (so basically he gives himself the out, maybe he could add the words, "because I can't think of any *other* cliche")

she's been on my mind, she's working overtime ( I wonder does she get paid by the hour or salary?) 
she's got perfect reason 
said she loves to talk to Jesus ( so she's either a Christian or a cult member) 
I think I believe her when she says
life could be so simple if we all just learned to pray (yes Christ definately said life would be "simple" if we pray, of course by simple he meant we would be persecuted)

she's got every little thing I wanted (hey man, I only want little things too)
and it still feels just like the day it started (man maybe he should take some pepto)
I said good bye to the broken hearted
and I could never express the way
I felt before tonight (so before this night he definitely was unawares to how he felt)


she sits there all alone (go sit with her you doof)
and she's reading from the chapter
that she sometimes calls her own (ok one good line in a song doesn't make it a good song)
and now
she's taking over me (wait a minute, are you sure she isn't an alien?)
cuz the girl I once rejected
has now become the girl of my dreams (hey that's a great pick up line, "Hey, I once thought you were ugly, but now I think you're hot, because you read some supposed "chapter" that you claim ownership over.")
 

she's not an ordinary girl,
I can see it in her eyes ( hey yeah you're right, she has a lazy eye!  No wonder you rejected her)
I'm just an ordinary boy
God must have heard my prayers last night (this guy has some weird prayers, I have never felt the need or desire to pray for a girlfriend with a lazy eye and perpetual indigestion) 

So there you have it folks.  Now really, I couldn't write a better song and it's probably just some deep seated jealousy that I can't write good love songs but hey, I'm in a very critical mood right now.
 
Oh man, this post was definately sub-par.  And by sub-par I don't mean birdie.  Or Eagle.
 
Ok, now it's time for the (drum roll please...give me my drum roll for Pete's sake):
 
Luke's bad advice for the day:
We need to all carry around shotguns, then instead of people getting shot, we could just see whose shotgun is more shiny**.  Oh and also to shoot bats, they've never really done anything to me but heck if I'm gonna give them the chance to.
 
Luke's good adive for the day:
Never, ever pick up Michael Jackson's hobbies.
 
And while lying is never better than telling the half truth, the full truth is like double that.  So think double mint gum.  Man, I wish I had some doublemint gum.  Twins are cool.  But only if they're identical because maybe they'll have gum.
 
And finally to close out the night, a word from out sponsor:
 
***Do you want a life?***
Now you can!  Just buy the "Clever title product here" and then give Luke all your money.  Don't say I didn't warn you!
 
* I really did have a point for this asterisk but I seriously don't want to go back and look for it.