Found: One Toilet

Sometime late on Valentine's night someone lost a toilet. I know this because it is currently hanging in a tree in my front lawn (accompanied by who knows how many rolls of toilet paper) and believe me, it's missing its owner terribly. All day long it silently hangs by its rope, spinning slowly in the wind, just waiting for someone to rescue it from its unfortunate state. Let me describe it to you a little, maybe you'll recognize it: the said toilet is missing its lid, it is standard size, weighs about 80 pounds, and is leaking some sort of brownish substance that I'm not brave enough to investigate. For the toilet's sake, I thought I'd see if I couldn't get it back home by asking the cyber world for help, so if this toilet sounds familiar to you or someone you know please feel free to stop by my house to claim it. (I will need you to sign a release form but I promise it's not long.) And if anyone out there can account for the strange events that happened here just a few days ago, please share. I would very much like to know how the culprits got it up there...